"I'll dial Owlface's number and then you hold my cell phone in front of me while I run through all the turkey calls I can do on my new slate call," I said to my buddy Bear Breath. "Owlface told me he wouldn't take me turkey hunting anymore until I learned how to call in my own bird. Wait until he hears what I can do now."

When my cell phone connected with Owlface's, I instantly said, "Don't say anything, just listen."

Before Owlface could respond, I started out with several yelps and clucks on my slate call, followed by a set of purrs. Then, for the big finale, I let go with a fly-down cackle topped off with three kee-kee runs. I would have done more to show Owlface how good I was, but Bear Breath kept making a slashing motion across his throat with his free hand so I figured he wanted me to stop calling for some reason.

"What have you got to say about that?" I asked into the phone.

After a moment of silence on the other end of the line, I heard, "Who is this? Why did you think I would want to listen to you torture a chicken over the phone? How did you get this number anyway? It's unlisted. If you ever call me again and do something like that I'm going to give your number to the cell phone company!"

"Who is this?" I asked. "I dialed my buddy Owlface's number. If you ain't Owlface, who are you and what are you doing with his phone?"

"My name is Joe Archer," said the voice on the other end of the line. "Obviously in your haste to prove to your friend Owlface that you are man enough to kill a chicken, you've dialed the wrong number."

"Man, I would think that a guy named Archer must be a bowhunter and he would have known right off what he was hearing when I cut loose with those calls," I said. "I spent a lot of time perfecting those calls, and you're telling me I sound like I'm killing a chicken. I think maybe you better brush up on your turkey calling, Mr. so-called Archer, or change your name."

"Now that you've explained what you were doing I am sure that you not only sound exactly like a big turkey, but you also act like one all the time," Archer said. "I would appreciate it if you would be more careful the next time you dial your friend's number. Goodbye!"

"Hey Owlface, you won't believe what just happened," I said when the real Owlface answered my next call. "I thought I dialed your number and let go with all the calls I can do on my new slate call. Evidently, I dialed the number of some guy named Archer by mistake, and he didn't recognize any of my calls. Can you believe a man named Archer ain't a bowhunter and didn't know anything about turkey hunting? Oh well, I got the right number this time so listen up. I'm going to show you how good a caller I am and then you'll beg me to go turkey hunting with you."

Then I gave Owlface the same sequence of calls I gave Archer. "What do you think of that?" I said.

"I think that Archer guy was being way too kind when he said you sounded like you were killing a chicken," Owlface said. "If I do take you turkey hunting with me again, you're going to have to promise me you won't make any of those noises in the woods."

Not to be deterred, I decided to get another opinion and drove out to Old Man Turner's farm. Old Man Turner had heard a lot more real wild turkeys on his farm than Owlface ever had. I figured he would me give his honest opinion on my turkey calling.